All the Lost Things Read online

  Dad gave the steering wheel a whack with his hand.

  “Come on,” he said, but we didn’t move, we just stayed trapped in our traffic jam with all the other cars trying to get somewhere. I bet nobody else was headed for an adventure, I bet they were only going to buy groceries or get blood tests at the doctor.

  “LUCKY DUCK,” I said to Clemesta. “We are two lucky ducks.”

  Dad took a sneaky turn down the next street to try and get out of the traffic.

  “Look,” I showed him, “that’s Savannah’s house down there.”

  “Hmm?” he said.

  “Savannah,” I said.

  “Who’s that?”

  “She’s my best friend.”

  “Oh.”

  “Maybe I forgot to tell you.”

  I gave my lip a chew in the meaty part. Clemesta poked me in the ribs.

  “Hey!” she said.

  “She’s only my best friend when I’m at school,” I told her. “The rest of the time you’re my best friend ONE MILLION PERCENT.”

  Dad came to the end of Savannah’s street and turned left. We were right back in the traffic and it was still jammed.

  “Goddamn,” he said.

  Another car tried to slide in front of the Jeep but Dad wouldn’t let him. The man threw up his hands and shook his head. Dad squeezed his hand into a fist like you do when you’re getting ready to make a punch. I do punching exercises too to get strong and fit and IN SHAPE like Mom, but also for SELF-DEFENSE which means you can protect yourself from bad guys when they come up behind you on the street and you just whack them HI-YAH like that with your elbow. They fall down on the ground and you run away as fast as you can.

  “My second-best friend is Casey,” I told Dad. “She has a pet snake. But it lives in a big glass box. It can’t escape unless you take it out.”

  Dad didn’t say anything.

  “It eats rats,” I said. “They keep them in the freezer. Not where their regular food is, but in a special one just for frozen rats. I think it’s in the basement. They also have a gerbil but she lives in a different cage.”

  Dad was tapping the wheel with his fingers and staring ahead. I guess he was trying to keep every bit of his attention on the road so he wouldn’t get us lost. Being lost is the SECOND WORST THING in the world and I would know because it happened to me once. Mom and I were at the Queens Zoo which was a special treat for me getting ten gold stars on my GOOD BEHAVIOR CHART on the back of my bedroom door. You get a gold star for being polite and getting good grades or for doing chores and not complaining about stuff and also sometimes for keeping important secrets.

  Mom and I had been looking at Mrs. Puma and then next thing she said she looked around and I was gone and she was in a FLAT PANIC. I was also in a panic as soon as I realized I was lost, which was when I was talking to the Andean Bear and he said, “Dolly, where’s your mom?”

  I tried to remember everything about not talking to strangers and finding a grown-up to help and not climbing into the animal enclosures even if they invite you inside for a chat and say PRETTY PLEASE. I found the security lady who was walking around near the entrance and I gave her Mom’s phone number which I keep stored in my brain for emergencies. Inside I was shaking like Jell-O because I thought maybe I’d never ever find Mom or see Dad or go home to my house, and then I’d have to live in the zoo or get adopted by the security lady who had bad breath and a lot of flaky white pieces on her scalp which I bet would fall into all the food she cooked and then I’d have to eat it.

  Luckily, Mom answered her phone right away and said, “DOLLY DON’T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN,” and I didn’t and I won’t.

  Sometimes Mom has good advice and sometimes she is only full of STUPIDITY.

  Dad’s eyes in the mirror were popped wide open like he was doing a staring contest. We do them on nights when he comes back home early from work. We lock our matching eyes together and try not to blink. Most of the time I giggle and blink first. That’s losing the contest but actually winning, too, because it’s fun and I’m laughing at the end.

  As Dad drove, I was trying to keep all the things I wanted to tell him safe in a list inside my head. I wanted to remind him about all the IMPORTANT FACTS about me in case he didn’t remember, like that my favorite flavor of ice cream is RASPBERRY SORBET, and that I can do hip-hop dancing and ballet and tap and that I’m not scared of spiders, except a tiny bit if they are very enormous and hairy, and that I am saving up all my money to buy a jewelry box that is made of red satin with real gold beads sewn on the top. Inside there’s a beautiful ballerina who dances to music every time you open the lid and it’s the best treasure I have ever seen.

  I also wanted to tell Dad about Miss Ellis and the new class assignment which is called KINDNESS WEEK where you have to try and do nice things for strangers, like picking up litter on the sidewalk or giving someone a hug if they look lonely and sad. My list was getting so long it was starting not to fit in my head and I wished I had a notepad outside my brain for writing it all down instead. My handwriting isn’t as advanced as my brain but Miss Ellis says if I keep practicing it will be perfect in no time.

  I sang the “Adventure” song again but softly and only to Clemesta.

  “Your voice is lovely,” she said, “like an angel or a world-famous pop star.”

  “Thank you,” I said. I combed my fingers through her hair. It was as soft as velvet.

  Dad took the exit for the tunnel and I knew that was the way you go to get to Manhattan because I have been HUNDREDS of times with Mom. Mostly we take the N train from home and we get out wherever is nearest to the place Mom has marked on her map. The trips sometimes used to be fun but not anymore. Now they just put me in a THUNDERCLOUD mood for the whole day. That’s not Manhattan’s fault, it’s hers.

  One thing I like a lot about Manhattan is looking at all the buildings in the city because they go up to the sky and probably the moon. The shape of them is called the SKYLINE and once I had a whole coloring book full of all the different ones in the world. For Manhattan, I made the colors look like nighttime and it was very beautiful.

  I recognized some of the streets we were passing, and the big shops with the bright flashing signs and the street vendors and the MILLIONS of people who were all in a great big hurry. There were hundreds of dads walking around Manhattan and I felt sorry for their kids that they weren’t going on an adventure. Probably the other children in my class would call me a SPOILED BRAT but I didn’t care because we were going to the best place in the world that’s even better than Disneyland, and it was a special adventure just for us.

  “Anyway, you deserve a special treat,” Clemesta said, “and maybe they don’t. Maybe they are bad or rude or ungrateful.”

  “Exactly. Especially Neshi. She is all of those things.”

  We passed a homeless man pushing his shopping cart. He had a sign around his neck and I turned my head to read it because I like to read everything and I am always looking for new words to collect.

  HOMELESS HOPELESS VETERAN is what he had written and I tried to remember what VETERAN was. I hate seeing homeless people on the streets because they always look so lonely like no one ever talks to them or gives them a hug and probably that’s just what they need to feel better. Hugs are another good medicine, like jokes and Zarbee’s Cough Syrup.

  Dad checked his watch and made a face.

  “Is the adventure in Manhattan?” I said.

  “No,” Dad said. “We’re just driving through.”

  I read a sign for CASH LOANS and looked at Clemesta. She put a hoof to her lips.

  “I know,” I said. “I’m glad we’re leaving Manhattan. It makes me reminded of BAD STUFF.”

  Dad had gone quiet again but actually he doesn’t usually talk a whole lot anyway. I don’t think he likes to. Probably some people are born that way so you shouldn’t get mad at them if they are silent most of the time.

  We drove into the Lincoln Tunnel and everything went dark.

/>   “Lincoln like Abraham Lincoln,” I said. “He was the president. He built all the tunnels in America, probably the world too.”

  “Mm,” Dad said.

  “I know all the presidents’ names, like John F. Kennedy and Theodore Roosevelt and Thomas Jefferson. He’s on the two-dollar bill. Benjamin Franklin is on the one-hundred-dollar bill because probably he was nicer. In Aruba they don’t put dead presidents on their money bills, they have shells and turtles and snakes. Can you turn the radio on?”

  Dad pressed the button and flicked through the stations but it was crackling because of the tunnel. It was dark and noisy and it reminded me of the movies, when the bad guys chase after the good guys and sparks fly on the road and sometimes one of the cars flips over but no one is hurt and they just crawl out and start running away from the flames.

  We came out into the regular world again and Clemesta squinted her eyes to adjust them to the light. Her eyes are very sensitive because they are so sharp and good at seeing things. She can see things that people can’t see. It’s called X-Men vision.

  If you don’t know Clemesta, I should probably tell you that she is an exquisite red-brown horse with a long beautiful mane, and a long beautiful tail, and eyes that are black and deeply soulful because they are POOLS OF KINDNESS AND WISDOM. Clemesta is made of plastic that’s covered in horse fur and everyone thinks she is only a toy horse but the secret truth that no one knows except for me is that she is actually a WISE HORSE QUEEN descended from fire and kings and magical fairies and exploding stars and the moon’s dust and angel kisses. I know this because she whispered the whole story to me one night under the covers. I was supposed to be asleep so that Mom and Dad could have one of their GROWN-UP DISCUSSIONS which are always noisy and give me a funny feeling inside my heart, but instead Clemesta was telling me about her life as a pretend-toy horse and a real-life horse queen with many special gifts.

  Of course, I promised that I would never tell A LIVING SOUL and I will keep that promise until my most DYING BREATH because that is what true friends should do. I got Clemesta for my fourth birthday and she used to just sit up there on the top shelf in my bedroom, but that night when she told me everything, she flew down with her magic horse wings and landed on my pillow and after that we were BEST FRIENDS AND TWINS forever.

  I tell Clemesta everything, and she is always very wise if I need her help with something. Sometimes Mom tries to speak to her but then Clemesta pretends she’s only a plastic horse and I don’t force her to reveal her true identity because that would be cruel. I am better than Clemesta at Math and Reading and Coloring and Words, as well as my own special SECRET BRAIN POWERS and some other stuff too. She is better at Magic Spells and Curses and Mind Reading and Remembering Stuff and Guardian Angel Duties like protecting me from danger and making sure I am never scared. We will be best friends forever because we promised that we would be and we also swore in HUMAN BLOOD when I cut my finger on a knife in the kitchen sink at Thanksgiving and then pricked Clemesta with a fork and mixed our blood so we would be bonded together FOR ALL OF LIFE.

  I nuzzled Clemesta in her mane and she yawned. She likes to take naps on car rides, so she snuggled up in my lap while I kept watch outside trying to guess where we were going. I scratched inside my brain to remember all the places nearby to Manhattan, like Long Island and Newark and Staten Island. I didn’t remember more but I know all the states of the United States of America, and also all the other countries around the world, like Sweden and Ireland and Canada and Spain where they are so crazy and mean that they make bulls fight a guy inside a stadium until one of them is dead. That’s called ANIMAL CRUELTY and it’s the worst because animals can’t even defend themselves or go to protests in the streets. Miss Ellis says we should practice ANIMAL KINDNESS and that’s why Clemesta and I do Vet Rescue whenever we can to help.

  WELCOME TO NEW JERSEY, it said on the billboard.

  “Dad!” I said. “We’ve left the state!”

  “Yeah,” he said.

  “I never left the state before. Did you?”

  “Yeah,” Dad said.

  “How many times?”

  “A few,” Dad said. “I used to travel sometimes—for work.”

  “When you and Mom lived in Florida?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Clemesta also comes from out of state,” I said. “Actually from another planet. Well, kind of another planet, but she’s made of magic, from lots of different special things. Fairies and queens, that’s in her…in her bloodline. Her grandparents were magical. Not like Pop.”

  “Sounds neat,” Dad said.

  “Yeah. It is.”

  I tried to think of other interesting things to talk about so Dad would say, “Gosh, Dolly, you are EXCELLENT COMPANY,” and then he would realize how great it is to be with me. Usually he is very busy and he works very hard and that means most of the time it’s just me and Mom together and Dad somewhere else.

  Most nights when he comes back home from working all day he is not in a CHATTERBOX MOOD and he doesn’t do a whole lot of talking to me before Mom says “Time for bed, Sleepyhead.” Sometimes I’ll say, “How was your day?” and he’ll shrug and say, “Same, it’s always the same.” If there’s time we can have a staring contest and if there isn’t I just go to bed without giggling.

  I wish he could spend hundreds of hours playing games with me and telling me stories and taking me swimming and teaching me how to do tricks on my bicycle and helping me memorize new dictionary words and a bunch of other stuff too. But now we were on the best treat of an adventure and he was paying me all of his attention and it was MARVELOUS which is like excellent but way better.

  I sucked my arm with my tongue to try and make a love bite. Savannah taught me that last week. You have to suck a lot until it leaves a mark and then it means that someone loves you very much. My skin tasted salty and a tiny bit soapy. The mark was red but it was a circle instead of a heart.

  We drove by a stretch of strip malls and fields and trees and trucks, and a billboard that said DISCREET GIRLS. It had a woman holding her finger to her red lips, which meant she was good at keeping secrets too.

  I remembered something to tell Dad. “Guess what?” I said. “There’s a boy in my class, Ross, who once went in a helicopter. He had a medical emergency because he hit his head one day when he went out sledding. He’s fine now. He didn’t get any of that brain damage.”

  “That’s good,” Dad said.

  “And do you know there’s another boy in my class who can do an air split? He can jump and his legs go straight out and he doesn’t even practice a lot. He’ll probably join the circus.” I checked the love bite but it was already almost gone. “Why do you keep rubbing your eyes?”

  “I’m trying to wake up,” Dad said.

  “Are you sleeping still?”

  “I’m sleepy.”

  “Me too. Because I think last night I slept too hard. Like I wasn’t ever going to want to wake up. But then I did. But I was very fuzzy.”

  “Mm.”

  “Were you fuzzy?”

  “Yeah, I didn’t sleep much.”

  “Anyway,” I said. “Do you know who the smartest kid in my class is?”

  “Who?”

  “It’s ME!”

  “Really? The smartest?”

  “Yeah,” I said, “I’m really the smartest.”

  Dad smiled at me in the mirror and that made me feel happy inside but also a PINCH of bad for telling a white lie. White lies aren’t like real lies, they’re just teeny tiny ones for keeping people’s feelings unhurt or showing off a tiny amount to impress your dad.

  I’m not actually the smartest in the class, but number three.

  “Yeah but that’s only because stupid Verity gets all those extra lessons,” Clemesta said.

  “And an au pair,” I reminded her.

  “Silly old pear,” Clemesta said, and we collapsed into STITCHES, which is when you laugh so hard you burst open and need to be sewn back togeth
er again. Both of us think Verity is the most annoying girl in the school. She doesn’t eat any candy and she is learning to play the violin and she definitely isn’t invited to my next birthday party even if she begs on her knees and cries two buckets.

  I looked at the clock in the front of the car and read the time, because it wasn’t one of the round clocks with two hands but the kind that gives you the numbers right away. It was 1:47 which was after lunch and before dinner and I was very hungry suddenly because I hadn’t eaten anything since a bowl of Cheerios before we started Vet Rescue.

  “Clemesta is very hungry,” I said.

  “Who’s hungry?”

  “Clemesta,” I said. I held her up so Dad could see and Clemesta humphed, which is horse for being irritated that someone forgot your name AGAIN.

  “She’s hungry?” Dad said.

  “Yeah, I can actually hear her stomach growling right now.”

  Clemesta’s stomach does make very loud noises when she hasn’t eaten for a long time and also sometimes when she needs to go to the toilet for a NUMBER TWO.

  Dad nodded. “All right,” he said, “I’ll find somewhere.”

  WELCOME TO PENNSYLVANIA, said the sign and I looked at Clemesta with my eyes popping out of my head. Her mouth was on the floor. “Two states,” she said.

  “That’s because it’s an adventure,” I said. “You have to go far into the wide world. Or is it wild?”

  “Wide and wild, I guess,” Clemesta said. She turned to look out at all the green fields.

  At the next gas station, Dad pulled up the car. I hopped out and took his hand because he forgot to hold mine. His hands are big and sometimes they squeeze too hard, but I like holding hands with him very much so I keep it there no matter what until he has to let go. I skippety-skip jumped and my hair bounced off my shoulders and probably looked very pretty in the light.